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Between Love and God



My book review journey continues…and this time it’s a book entitled, “By The River Piedra I Sat Down And Wept” This is the first part in Paulo Coelho's trilogy "On the Seventh Day". The other two parts are “Veronika Decides to Die” and “The Devil and Miss Prym”. This trilogy revolve around a week in the life of seemingly ordinary people, all of whom find themselves suddenly confronted by love, death and power. Linking these stories together is Coelho’s belief that the profoundest changes take place within a short time. And while these intense changes shape the lives and decisions of the characters, they also challenge the reader, testing our strength, courage and willingness to adapt. After all the challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. A week is more than enough time for us to decide whether or not to accept our destiny.

“By The River Piedra I Sat Down And Wept” is essentially a story about love. It also includes elements of Catholicism and particularly focuses on the female aspect of divinity.

The story focuses on two adolescent lovers who reunite after eleven years. Time has transformed Pilar into a strong and independent young woman but who is frustrated with the grind of university life and looking for greater meaning. Life has taught her to be strong and to hide her feelings. After eleven years she meets up with her childhood sweetheart, grown into a handsome spiritual teacher, with a reputation as a healer and miracle worker, who turned to religion as a refuge from his inner conflicts.

Together they take a journey that is initially fraught with difficulties as blame and resentment resurface after years of being hidden. But by the River Piedra, in a small village in the French Pyrenees, they find a way to discuss many of life’s big questions and re-evaluate their relationship.

One very funny thing I noticed was that the name of Pilar’s childhood sweetheart was never mentioned at all in the book. So for the sake of convenience, I shall refer to him as “The Seminarian”. Why? Apparently it was a major issue for their relationship because he had come to a point where he had to make a critical decision. He loved Pilar and would give up everything for her. If he chose to become a priest and continue his religious mission as a spiritual healer and miracle worker, he would have to give up Pilar. If he chose to stay with Pilar, he would have to give up his gift of healing, and his religious mission to continue to live his life with Pilar like every other person.

Finally The Seminarian decides….well if anyone plans on reading the book, to avoid spoiling the ending for you, I will not reveal his decision. But this story did raise one very good question. If I had to choose between God and the love of my life, which one would I choose? It reminds me of the life of Jim Elliot where he obeyed God’s call to do missions, leaving behind the love of his life, Elisabeth. But God finally reunited the two of them together and was married after many years but their marriage was short lived for Jim was killed while trying to bring the gospel to the Aucas.

Having to choose between the two people we love most isn’t an easy decision. I can still remember when I was a very young Christian, I had the burden to go for missions. But in the back of my mind, I wondered, what if I can’t find a life partner if I go for missions? What about my hopes and dreams of finding someone to share my life with and to start a home together? And as I wrestled with these questions, God spoke to me in John 21: 15-22. In the same way as Jesus asked Peter if he loved Him, God asked me if I love Him above all these. God knew my heart. So then, what is it to me whether I find my life partner or not? Just follow Him. After all, there is no better place on earth than to be in the will of God. There is this particular song by Steven Curtis Chapman (now you know who’s my favourite singer) that reflected how I felt at that time. The songs is entitled:

Believe Me Now
~Psalm 119:89-93; Isaiah 41:10; Romans 8:31-39; Hebrews 13:8~

I watch you looking out
Across the raging water
So sure your only hope
Lies on the other side
You hear the enemy
That’s closing in around you
And I know
That you don’t have the strength to fight
But you do
Have the faith to stand and…

Believe Me now
Believe Me here
Remember all the times I’ve told you loud and clear
I am with you and I am for you
So believe Me now
Believe Me now

I am the One who waved my hand
And split the ocean
I am the One who spoke the words
And raised the dead
And I’ve loved you long before
I set the world in motion
I know all the fears you’re feeling now
But do you remember who I am?
Do you…

So believe Me now
Believe it’s true
I never have, I never will abandon you
And the God that I have always been
I will forever be
So believe Me now

I am the God Who never wastes a single hurt
That you endure
My words are true
And all My promises are sure
So believe Me now
Oh, believe Me now


After my struggle with that question, I can still remember my brother, who believes himself an atheist, observed that my life seems to revolve around the Bible, church and mission trips. So one day he sarcastically said to me, “Maybe you should marry a pastor one day!” Although he said it to irritate me, I was like “What’s so bad about marrying a pastor?” Being a naïve and very young Christian, I thought marrying a pastor was like marrying the “perfect guy”. To me being a pastor = a man who loves God = a man who obeys God = someone who will love and be faithful to his wife.

Then when I grew a little older and a little wiser, I realized that pastors are human too and nobody’s perfect. They still get tempted, they still make mistakes. I also have the opportunity to see my ex-colleague get married to a pastor and shifted to Macao to pastor a church together. My ex-colleague and I are like total opposites in personality and when I saw her ministry and life as a pastor’s wife…I started to wonder, “Am I qualified to become a pastor’s wife?” To me being a pastor’s wife is like being the “The role model wife” aka “The Proverbs 31 woman”. If you ask me, I don’t think I’m near anywhere like her!!

And another thing I found out about pastors or any church leaders. They and their family are common targets of criticism and gossip. Of course being leaders in any organization, there is a certain expectation and standard that their subordinates expect of them. Life as a pastor or a pastor’s wife is definitely not an easy one. So if God should choose to matchmake me to a pastor or a missionary or a full time worker, I pray He gives me the extra grace needed to live up to that role, although that doesn’t mean I’m not open to guys of other vocations.

Honestly, guys who give their lives wholly to God have my respect and admiration for they are a rare breed. I have had the honour of capturing the interest of a pastor before and though he pursued me, I was reluctant to start a long distance relationship again after what happened to my previous relationship. It was not an easy task trying to discourage him gently for he was a great guy and I was never good at this even though I’ve done it a few times before. The last thing I want to do was to hurt him but I felt like I was distracting him from God’s work. So my fervent prayer is that the next time a great guy approaches me with more than friendship on his mind, I hope I won’t need to crack my head for an excuse to squirm my way out without causing any casualties.

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