Here's another hilarious article by Liz Curtis Higgs. Kinda like "Kids say the darnest things" and always good for a laugh. Enjoy!
Guess What Junior Said Today … and maybe you wish he hadn't!
Every mother thinks her offspring is hysterically funny. "You'll never believe what our four year old said," a woman in Topeka once assured me.
Oh, I'll believe it, all right.
I recently overheard my daughter, Lillian, phoning a friend. Her mother answered and asked Lillian if she wanted to leave a message—a new concept for my daughter.
"A message?" Lillian said, dumbfounded. "Okay. Tell her to put my foot in her prayers."
A big "Haaawwww!" slipped out of my mouth before I could stop it. (I've heard of putting your foot in your mouth, but in your prayers?)
"Mo-ther!" Lillian whined, stamping her foot. The same foot she'd supposedly hurt a week earlier, the one with the Ace bandage, the one she'd danced on seconds ago without so much as a wince. The foot we'd all prayed for without ceasing. That foot.
Kids are honest (sometimes painfully so), verbally courageous (or is that outrageous?), and very funny indeed.
As proof, here's what kids from all over America have to say about …
Discipline
A four-year-old girl and her younger brother were in their family room, jumping from the couch to the floor. Her daddy told them, "Stop that! You could get hurt."
As the parents listened from the kitchen, they heard their daughter proclaim in her preschool, know-it-all voice, "Come on, let's jump. Daddy doesn't spank very hard."
Cynthia and Greg have different disciplinary styles. He's the softie, she's the tough one. Boone, their two year old, wasn't happy with his mother's no-nonsense methods and kept calling, "Daddy! Daddy!"
Cynthia said sternly, "I don't want to hear you say Daddy one more time."
Boone took a deep breath and tried another approach. "Greg! Greg!"
Parents
On their way to church one Sunday evening, a couple's six-year-old daughter blurted out, "Mommy, do you and Daddy have sex?"
Before they could say a word, their eight-year-old son shot back, "Of course not! They're good Christian people."
Her father was attending a Promise Keepers conference, so five-year-old Nicollette and her mother went to an evening church service by themselves.
A friend inquired, "Nicollette, where's your daddy tonight?"
She proudly replied, "He's at Housekeepers!"
Siblings
When their second child arrived, Eric's parents had a gift ready for the six year old so he wouldn't be jealous of all the baby's presents. When the happy day arrived, the proud father presented Eric with a copy of James and the Giant Peach, inscribed: "Dear Eric, I'm so glad to have you as my big brother. I love you, Scott."
Eric turned to his parents with a look of understanding on his face. "That explains why he was in there so long. He had to write this whole book before he came out!"
Riding home from church one Sunday, Brooke, four, asked her grandparents for some chewing gum. "Do you know what I do with my gum when I get done chewing it?"
They expected an answer like, "Put it in the garbage," or "Throw it out the window." Nope.
"I give it to my baby brother, and he eats it!"
Manners
Chloe was three years old when she accompanied her mother, Christine, to a wedding shower at church. A month earlier, Christine had quit her job to stay home and her coworkers had given her many gifts, including a recipe holder for which she had no use.
Christine decided it would be a perfect gift for the newlyweds, so she wrapped it and took it to the party.
Chloe was sitting in her mother's lap when the bride-to-be opened their gift. In a loud voice, the little girl announced, "That used to be ours, but we didn't need it anymore!"
Church
It was Palm Sunday and, because of strep throat, Sue's three-year-old son had to stay home from church with a babysitter. When the family returned home carrying palm branches, he asked what they were for.
"People held them over Jesus' head as he walked by," his mother explained.
"Wouldn't you know it," the boy fumed. "The one Sunday I didn't go, he showed up!"
Cannon, three, was eager to show his mom what he learned in Sunday school. He pulled her over to the flannel board with all the animals paired two by two.
"See, Mommy?" he said. "Here's Noah in the dark."
Once you become a parent, there's no need to pray for humility—that's part of the job description. But other times, children toss verbal blessings our way when we least expect them. I was honored to win an award from my peers a few years back, and brought my family to the awards banquet.
The identity of the five award recipients was supposed to be a surprise, but Lillian took care of that. As people streamed by to their tables, she called out in her loudest voice, "My mom is winning a big award tonight!"
Ah, well. Who cares about the element of surprise? The joy shining in my daughter's eyes was enough for this mother. It makes up for many a too-honest comment like, "Gee, Mom, your tummy jiggles like Jell-O!"
Liz Curtis Higgs is a TCW columnist and the author of 12 books, including her latest, "While Shepherds Washed Their Flocks" and Other Funny Things Kids Say and Do (Nelson), from which this article was compiled.
Copyright © 1999 by the author or Christianity Today International/Today's Christian Woman magazine.
Guess What Junior Said Today … and maybe you wish he hadn't!
Every mother thinks her offspring is hysterically funny. "You'll never believe what our four year old said," a woman in Topeka once assured me.
Oh, I'll believe it, all right.
I recently overheard my daughter, Lillian, phoning a friend. Her mother answered and asked Lillian if she wanted to leave a message—a new concept for my daughter.
"A message?" Lillian said, dumbfounded. "Okay. Tell her to put my foot in her prayers."
A big "Haaawwww!" slipped out of my mouth before I could stop it. (I've heard of putting your foot in your mouth, but in your prayers?)
"Mo-ther!" Lillian whined, stamping her foot. The same foot she'd supposedly hurt a week earlier, the one with the Ace bandage, the one she'd danced on seconds ago without so much as a wince. The foot we'd all prayed for without ceasing. That foot.
Kids are honest (sometimes painfully so), verbally courageous (or is that outrageous?), and very funny indeed.
As proof, here's what kids from all over America have to say about …
Discipline
A four-year-old girl and her younger brother were in their family room, jumping from the couch to the floor. Her daddy told them, "Stop that! You could get hurt."
As the parents listened from the kitchen, they heard their daughter proclaim in her preschool, know-it-all voice, "Come on, let's jump. Daddy doesn't spank very hard."
Cynthia and Greg have different disciplinary styles. He's the softie, she's the tough one. Boone, their two year old, wasn't happy with his mother's no-nonsense methods and kept calling, "Daddy! Daddy!"
Cynthia said sternly, "I don't want to hear you say Daddy one more time."
Boone took a deep breath and tried another approach. "Greg! Greg!"
Parents
On their way to church one Sunday evening, a couple's six-year-old daughter blurted out, "Mommy, do you and Daddy have sex?"
Before they could say a word, their eight-year-old son shot back, "Of course not! They're good Christian people."
Her father was attending a Promise Keepers conference, so five-year-old Nicollette and her mother went to an evening church service by themselves.
A friend inquired, "Nicollette, where's your daddy tonight?"
She proudly replied, "He's at Housekeepers!"
Siblings
When their second child arrived, Eric's parents had a gift ready for the six year old so he wouldn't be jealous of all the baby's presents. When the happy day arrived, the proud father presented Eric with a copy of James and the Giant Peach, inscribed: "Dear Eric, I'm so glad to have you as my big brother. I love you, Scott."
Eric turned to his parents with a look of understanding on his face. "That explains why he was in there so long. He had to write this whole book before he came out!"
Riding home from church one Sunday, Brooke, four, asked her grandparents for some chewing gum. "Do you know what I do with my gum when I get done chewing it?"
They expected an answer like, "Put it in the garbage," or "Throw it out the window." Nope.
"I give it to my baby brother, and he eats it!"
Manners
Chloe was three years old when she accompanied her mother, Christine, to a wedding shower at church. A month earlier, Christine had quit her job to stay home and her coworkers had given her many gifts, including a recipe holder for which she had no use.
Christine decided it would be a perfect gift for the newlyweds, so she wrapped it and took it to the party.
Chloe was sitting in her mother's lap when the bride-to-be opened their gift. In a loud voice, the little girl announced, "That used to be ours, but we didn't need it anymore!"
Church
It was Palm Sunday and, because of strep throat, Sue's three-year-old son had to stay home from church with a babysitter. When the family returned home carrying palm branches, he asked what they were for.
"People held them over Jesus' head as he walked by," his mother explained.
"Wouldn't you know it," the boy fumed. "The one Sunday I didn't go, he showed up!"
Cannon, three, was eager to show his mom what he learned in Sunday school. He pulled her over to the flannel board with all the animals paired two by two.
"See, Mommy?" he said. "Here's Noah in the dark."
Once you become a parent, there's no need to pray for humility—that's part of the job description. But other times, children toss verbal blessings our way when we least expect them. I was honored to win an award from my peers a few years back, and brought my family to the awards banquet.
The identity of the five award recipients was supposed to be a surprise, but Lillian took care of that. As people streamed by to their tables, she called out in her loudest voice, "My mom is winning a big award tonight!"
Ah, well. Who cares about the element of surprise? The joy shining in my daughter's eyes was enough for this mother. It makes up for many a too-honest comment like, "Gee, Mom, your tummy jiggles like Jell-O!"
Liz Curtis Higgs is a TCW columnist and the author of 12 books, including her latest, "While Shepherds Washed Their Flocks" and Other Funny Things Kids Say and Do (Nelson), from which this article was compiled.
Copyright © 1999 by the author or Christianity Today International/Today's Christian Woman magazine.
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